Before commencing to write anything on the topic, I would like to make one thing clear: Each relationship is different. What works for one might not exactly work for you.
The recent survey says that 44% of married couples believe that fighting more than once a week encourages them to keep healthy and productive relationships for a long time. In fact, couples who argue often, but always in a peaceful way, are more likely to stay together because, despite all the small disagreements, they know that their passion is true and trustworthy.
Here is why fighting from time to time can be good for your relationships.
1. Fighting is a sign of a mature relationship.
Constant conflict avoidance is definitely not the best way to build a long-lasting relationship. On the contrary, if you’re able to speak your mind clearly when arguing, it means that you’re ready to take your love to another level.
Mature people don’t resort to personal attacks or yelling either. Instead, they always try to reach a compromise and improve their relationship with the help of a healthy argument.
2. Fighting means you care.
Of course, it would be much easier to just turn a blind eye to some of your partner’s habits that drive you crazy. But the fact that you’re ready to withstand all the pain and discomfort of fighting to get a better result in the future may be a sign of your true love.
In other words, arguing means that you’re more committed. Just remember – how often do you fight with your parents or your siblings? The same goes for your partner: if you argue a lot and always get over it, this means that you see the bigger picture with your loved one.
3. Fighting makes your communication easier.
In order to create trust in your relationship, you shouldn’t keep quiet. On the contrary, it’s necessary to approach your partner with an open mind, taking responsibility for your actions and listening to each other carefully.
Since arguing is one of the major forms of communication and the most honest one, it really helps to accelerate the feelings of intimacy, trust, and connection and to teach your partner how to communicate with you in a more productive way.
4. Fighting is a sign of a healthy relationship.
Psychologists believe that there are 7 key points to a healthy and happy relationship, and arguing is one of them. In fact, if a couple never argues, this may be a sign that something isn’t quite right with them.
Arguing helps couples reconsider their values and feelings by addressing and discussing the things that are important to them. However, your argument should be healthy and non-combative — always try to state your points without name-calling or raising your voice.
5. Fighting makes your connection stronger.
When you’re arguing with your partner, it doesn’t matter if you win or lose. The most valuable thing is that you learn a lot about each other and even more importantly, about yourself.
Small conflicts help both of you reveal your true nature and show your partner how to deal with it. And if you manage to overcome all the challenges together, you will learn how to compromise and strengthen the bond between you.
6. Fighting relieves your resentment.
Being in a relationship is not that easy – if you care about your partner, you always have to flex your boundaries. And if they don’t do the same for you, you may start feeling resentment.
Not standing your ground when it comes to the things that are important to you may make your partner think that they can have whatever they want, and your resentment will only grow. That’s the road to an unhealthy relationship.
The best way to deal with this problem is to let your negative feelings out and show your partner that you’re both equals with your own needs.
7. Fighting means you’re more likely to stay together.
According to some studies, the biggest mistake that couples usually make is avoidance – we often feel that something is wrong but say nothing. And this poor communication becomes the most common reason for breaking up.
Although you may believe that discussing sensitive issues won’t do any good for your relationship, that’s actually not true. Fighting allows you to focus on your problems and to solve them before they become too large. That’s why couples who argue together, stay together for a long period of time.
8. Fighting reveals your passion.
Some couples really enjoy intense arguments because they increase their hormone levels. Subconsciously, those people know that fighting is just a sign of their passion, and their disagreement will end up being an even more passionate makeup.
If you want to keep your relationship strong and thriving, it’s necessary to let your emotions out from time to time rather than to hold them in. But don’t forget to finish any argument in a positive way.
9. Fighting saves you from boredom.
Even if you’ve been together for several years, there will always be some things you don’t agree on. And that’s not bad at all – constructive conflicts may fuel the spark of your relationship and make it more exciting.
Just imagine how boring your love would be if you both always agreed on everything! So don’t panic next time you feel that there’s going to be an argument between you and your loved one. Instead, try to make it beneficial for your relationship and future life together.
Bonus: How to have a healthy fight with your partner
It’s always important to remember that there’s a difference between “good fighting” and “bad fighting” and only the good one can be beneficial for your relationship.
Here are some pieces of advice you should follow to turn your argument into a productive discussion:
- Respect for each other. You’re both human beings with your own weak points, so don’t hit below the belt and put pressure on the things that might irreversibly hurt your partner.
- Apologize. If you were wrong, admit it and say that you’re sorry. This small action won’t make you feel weaker. On the contrary, it will show your partner that you still care about them.
- Stick to the point. Never bring up the experience of your previous relationships or your partner’s mistakes that you’ve already let go. You have only one point to talk about, so be precise.
- Don’t appeal to third parties. Bringing your friends or relatives into your argument may make your partner feel isolated and disrespected, so do your best to solve the problem on your own before addressing anyone.
I hope I have demonstrated that fighting is a useful function for healthy relationships. When done skillfully, an opportunity for a greater understanding and love for your partner is possible. Talking about it is easy. Doing is difficult.